by Dr. Eric Shapira

Now is the time to enjoy life. We all must look at our lives with respect to where we are in time and where we want to go, not wasting a minute of our time. Time moves on, even though sometimes we do not.

When was the last time you picked up the phone and called friends or loved ones who you haven’t talked to for a long time and told them that you appreciated them or loved them? When was the last time you told your significant other, if you have one, that you loved, liked, cared about or appreciated him or her — with no strings attached? The great Gandhi once said, “We need to be the change we want to see in the world.” Well, I advocate being the change you want to see in your own life. If you desire more love in your life, then show it to those who matter. If you want more attention from others, then give it to others first and watch it come back to you.

We never run out of human emotions — but we sometimes forget where we’ve put them and have trouble expressing ourselves. If this has happened to you, find a “mirror” for yourself in someone you trust and admire who is non-threatening and talk with that person about your feelings. Better yet, you may want an impartial person, such as a gerontologist, a marriage and family counselor or a psychotherapist to be your mirror. When you can see things in yourself that you might not have recognized, then you have crossed a bridge to a side of yourself that might enlighten the rest of your psyche and improve your well-being. There is no time like the present to start.

A while back, I was called to the bedside of a friend who was dying. “X,” as I will call him, never said much to me in terms of feelings. Most of our conversation had revolved around mundane things or general conversation, but now X wanted to talk from the heart. He admitted to me that he felt his life was wasted and that he had not achieved much in his lifetime. I found this quite a shock and a personal travesty — and it told me of X’s depression and low sense of self-esteem. Unrealized emotions — guilt, anger and the like — can affect one’s self-esteem and lead to depression if not rectified through counseling along the way. X never had any counseling and seemed to have a very full and active life, but in X’s mind he had experienced a very shallow existence.

The psychotherapist and writer Dr. Nathaniel Branden has been quoted as saying: “To preserve an unclouded capacity for the enjoyment of life is an unusual moral and psychological achievement. Contrary to popular belief, it is not the prerogative of mindlessness, but the exact opposite: It is the reward of self-esteem.”

Without our sense of self-esteem, we may find it hard to focus on the best of ourselves, our golden achievements during our lifetimes — and this in turn may affect our ability to enjoy life on a day-to-day basis. My friend, thinking that life had passed him by, was grieving both because of his impending death and because of his failed expectations of self.

Living life to its fullest is not wasting time. The “now” is probably the most important entity of time that we have. We can never regain it once it is gone and we must realize that to keep our self-esteem positive, the “now” needs to be appreciated, used to the best of our abilities, and shared with others in making a difference to each of us in the process. The now is a process that continues on a moment-to-moment basis. Being happy in life is a function of our self-esteem as well as a fleeting phenomenon. Grab on to it while you can and savor the moment. It’s good medicine. Carpe diem; seize the day — now!

Dr. Eric Shapira is a clinical gerontologist with Aging Mentor Services. He holds a master’s degree in clinical gerontology and a master’s in health administration. Shapira can be reached at agingmentorservices.com or at 650-728-5827.