by Stephen Martin

July 1, 2010 — There are many reasons to take good care of your home and garden. Martha Stewart has made an excellent career from teaching people how to do this in her particular style. But while most of us think superficially about our homes and gardens, in reality they can be the hallmarks of good mental health.

Perhaps the most important aspect of mental health is inner peace and harmony. Getting along with yourself, others and your surroundings is the hallmark of inner serenity. Making your home a personal and family sanctuary is one of the most rewarding aspects of being attuned to your surroundings.

The dysfunctional side of this situation, where people’s homes do not reflect good mental health, can take many different forms — one of them being hoarding. People who hoard material possessions are psychologically wounded and express that wound by hoarding material possessions in the most horrific ways. Some people cannot move around their homes without squeezing by stacked boxes full of old possessions.

This hoarding doesn’t produce peace and harmony. It creates chaos and is ultimately an external expression of inner chaos. It can take years of therapy for people afflicted with this disorder to learn how to let go of material possessions.

Others allow their personal surroundings to be trashed. This disregard for their homes is an external expression of the inner mental state of the people who allow themselves to become so out of control. This disorder is based in self-rage and hatred.

Some go to the other extreme and clean, clean, clean. They clean so much they make themselves and all who live with them miserable. You don’t dare bring any dirt into their homes, nor can you feel relaxed in their surroundings. Such excessive cleanliness is an obsession with removing all forms of dirt and disease. This fear of disease is way beyond a reasonable concern about health. The extreme forms of this disorder are as bad as its opposite disorder, the hoarding mentality. Both express mental unrest and both produce chaos and disharmony.

It becomes important to find the balance. In the balance is happiness. So how do you express yourself in your home? What conditions bring you peace and harmony? How can you relax and help others relax within your home?

Your home is your sanctuary. It should provide you and your family emotional comfort. We often talk of comfort food that brings back happy memories. We grow accustomed to items in our parents’ homes that provide happy memories. For those who have enjoyed a good childhood, reproducing the happiness you had as a child is very important.

For those with unhappy childhoods, it is essential that you understand the reasons for that unhappiness and come to terms with the past. This can be done by understanding your past and learning how to heal the wounds that you may have carried into your present. Once you understand the dysfunctionality of the past, you have an opportunity to repair those hurts.

Learning how to decorate your living space can be exceptionally healing if you have suffered an abusive past. Keeping your home in order will help you replace the painful memories and allow you to heal from the abuses of the past.

Your house is your castle. Your home is your sanctuary. You should honor your surroundings and allow them to nurture you and your family. In so doing you will enjoy your life and produce the inner peace and harmony all of us want to experience in our lives.

Stephen Martin, MFT is a marriage and family therapist with offices in Moss Beach. He can be reached at 650-726-1212 or by e-mail at stephen@healmarriage.com.