by Dyane Hendricks

Losing a job is never a good thing. Losing a job in a down economy can make life uncomfortable. Losing a job in a down economy as a middle-aged single woman presents even more challenges, which breed creativity and lead to some interesting adventures.

Job hunting is somewhat like dating after ending a long-term relationship, with that same sense of dread, but also some excitement. Things are going great, everyone is laughing and having a good time, promises are made to call — but if there’s no good night kiss, it’s probably a single date.

Job hunting can also be viewed as an excellent opportunity for re-evaluation, considering other choices — or for becoming a master solitaire player on the computer. Given that most employers or potential clients are not interested in the latter, and the Employment Development Department frowns upon training outside approved guidelines, the most judicious decision is to focus on getting the next job or career.

This between-jobs period is also a good time to consider advice. It is not, however, a requisite that all advice be taken. For instance, when the well-meaning friend who has been retired for several years, is not affected by the economy, and travels around the world doing good deeds suggests that a job in Dubai will solve your employment problem, it is generally better to consider other options, while diplomatically explaining to the well-intentioned friend that perhaps someone whose religious views are better matched to the population of the United Arab Emirates might be more suitable for that job. On the other end of the spectrum, it is generally good form to nod politely when otherwise intelligent acquaintances send ads for part-time cashier jobs in the East Bay “just to tide you over.”

The Internet has changed the entire process of job hunting in the past decade or two, mostly to the benefit of the unemployed. But searching the Internet job boards poses its own set of conundrums. There are several employment sites, each with promises of the perfect fit for the perfect employee seeking the perfect job. This is assuming, of course, that all parties involved are perfect. They rarely are.

The Internet applications provide a certain kind of anonymity that both helps and hinders the process. When the potential employer e-mails to schedule an   interview, there can be confusion as to exactly whom he thinks he is contacting. Sometimes gender needs to be clarified, without sounding insulted or making him feel ridiculous. How do you do this? Some suggestions from male friends won’t quite work: “Just tell him your father always wanted a boy” or “Send him your picture and say this is what I looked like before the sex change operation.” The best response is to create an e-mail signature that includes the title “Ms.”

Red flags are sometimes very subtle. But sometimes they can be flaring rather than simply waving in the wind. The offer for a luncheon interview does not always mean lunch or even an interview, especially when the meeting is held not in a restaurant but in a well-known coffee chain. It is also not generally a good sign when the person conducting the interview lost the applicant’s resume and has no idea who is making the hiring decision because the organization just selected a new chief operating officer and has not bothered to inform him. This person tends to be disappointed when the applicant turns out to be not an up-and-coming college graduate with family connections, but rather a woman. A woman who knows how to achieve the goals the organization has set and then some, but a woman nonetheless.

It’s easy to become bitter, but better to learn from the experience, figure out what people really want, and move on to the next experience. Return to the computer and continue to search for that special place.